You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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