he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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