do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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