By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
