What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize