He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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