I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
