Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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