Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
