I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
