I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
