Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
