My room smells like vodka and shame
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Randomize
