Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I just sharted jello shots
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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