If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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