I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I love you.
Bad choice
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