I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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