my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
