so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
