There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
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