booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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