where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
