How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
