Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
