You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
