You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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