saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dicks are not precious.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
