I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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