flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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