If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
