the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
