it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Randomize
