my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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