OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
