We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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