Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
