we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
