I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Text me some of your sweat
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
