Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
