i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
