he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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