you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
