me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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