you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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