I will die if light touches me.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
