Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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