I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
