One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
