Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
