nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
