im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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