at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
