My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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