now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
