did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
