I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
