I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
