You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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