dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
