She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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