i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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