i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
