Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
