how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize