Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
