Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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