people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
