I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
