I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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