You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
