Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
i believe in u and ur pee
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
