do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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