I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
