Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
