I just made out with a guy for $7.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
